Pakistani Moral Values 101: Top 10

Arguably the most-repeated phrase in the last few days has been 'Pakistani Moral Values'. "Why, oh why can't people follow simple Pakistani moral values?!" is on the lips of many, but when asked no one is able to really describe what these are.

So what exactly are 'Pakistani Moral Values' of today?
Based on actual examples, the following could be useful:

Pakistani Moral Values 101: Top 10

1. If a Pakistani man romances more than one woman, he is a casanova. If a Pakistani woman romances more than one man, she is a slut

2. If a Pakistani cricket star dances with Indian starlets on stage in India he is being amusing. If a Pakistani actress dances in an Indian show she is a cheapskate

3. If a Pakistani man marries an Indian/any other nationality, he is a hero. If a Pakistani woman marries non-Pakistani she has no shame

4. If a senior male at the workplace is divorced/single he is an eligible bachelor, if a woman at the workplace is divorced/single she must be a corporate bitch

5. If a male makes a dance video with scantily-clad women he is being stylish. If a woman makes a dance video she is promoting vulgarity

6. If a male minister hugs a foreign official he is keeping etiquette, if a female minister hugs a foreign official she deserves a fatwa and the boot

7. If a male (especially if he is a cricketer) gets embroiled in a false marriage scandal he is an innocent victim. If a woman gets embroiled in a similar scandal she deserves to be hounded and made fun of

8. If a man chooses his bride it's his right, if a woman chooses her mate she is a characterless kari

9. If a Pakistani man wears shorts on TV for a game his religion should not be mixed, if a woman wears shorts on TV it's scandalous sacrilege

10. If a male director makes sleazy movies casting all his heroines as hip-thrusting prostitutes it's called fantasy (please sit back and enjoy the cheap thrills). If a female actress as much as sits next to man under a blanket in freezing cold on a TV show it is abuse of culture and a maa behen mulk izzat iman ghairat issue

The next time you are unsure if Pakistani Moral Values and culture have been challenged by someone or not, please refer to the above generally-agreed guidelines.

If anyone else has more interesting ones, please feel free to add.

Confessions of a Fundoo Strategist

This article is also posted at Express Tribune.

I am what some of you call a Fundoo. A Fundoo strategist to be precise. I was recruited in secret by a group of people calling themselves the Tehreek-e-Nifaaz-e-Duniya-e-Jahaane-Musalmaniya Pakistan, a top secret group made of representatives from different religious parties, banned outfits, sympathisers and financiers.

Our group operates like a small company, with an established mission (evident from our name) and a chain of command: a nigraane nizameen (board of directors), a markaze tazobarkar (core strategy group) and a majmuahe teelibaaz (um...general workers). I am the naib chaalbaaz (deputy strategist), recently promoted and reporting to the emir chaalbaaz (chief of strategy) who reports directly to the board of directors.

We've been operating since long and our results are beginning to show. Our latest achievement is something we have been fighting very hard for: Total Fear. No war is won by physical force alone, one has to have a psychological advantage - achieve the mental victory, the rest will be easier. After years of hard work, we have achieved this important milestone. All the Libboos (yes, we also have a word for you so-called liberals and moderates) are now really really afraid, bringing us closer to our mission.

We achieved this through a simple, two-pronged strategy: a Libboo hit-list, coupled with a coordinated Fundoo mobilisation.
You look confused. Let me explain.

The first part of our strategy is a Libboo hit-list comprising of people from various walks of life. This was a long list (there are too many libboos in this country if you ask me) but we shortened it considerably by focusing on those who are prominent, outspoken and courageous: politicians, writers, journalists, lawyers. Our research tells us prominent single murders have more impact, far more than multiple killings through suicide bombs - yes really, trust me we keep checking this theory regularly during our monthly Suicide For Dummies course (this is a very popular course by the way, enrolment is free so we have to have many sessions running at one time, but let's discuss that later). When I say more impact, I mean that when we tick off someone on the hit-list, we are able to more strongly reinforce the belief that those who speak out against us will be silenced, resulting in lesser voices. This is the key pillar of our strategy.

To achieve the second part of our strategy, more coordinated and forceful fundoo voice, we capitalised on the media boom. Over the last few years not only have we set up a few channels, we have also arranged for time-slots on regular channels for our broadcasts and also given numerous regular jobs to many of our teelibaaz. This was actually much easier than we initially thought - you see, we were expecting successive governments to have some media policies or rules, or channels to have some qualification criteria for political and religious commenting and anchoring, but thankfully all they care about is money and ratings, which makes our task a whole lot easier.

So our two-pronged strategy works in a cycle. Our media teelibaaz are mobilised to support our cause - contrary to what most people think, we do believe in empowerment, teelibaaz are free to use their imagination, be it encouraging Ahmadi murders, issuing fatwas in talk-shows, justifying suicide bombers, hailing hit-list killers as Ghazis, covering up our suicide practise lessons as government failures, calling any contrary opinions un-Islamic, or proving rising potato prices to be American/Jewish conspiracies - anything that will keep the government occupied elsewhere while reinforcing Fundoo viewpoint in the country and gaining us Fundoo recruits from the frustrated citizenry. Gotta admit, works like a charm.

We are very close to realising our mission: we will establish Islamic law in the country soon...don't ask me to elaborate on that right now, that is still work in progress - so far our board of directors have not reached consensus on what Islamic law means or even who is the true Muslim from among us - there as many points of view as our directors...but we will sort that out later.

For now, first things first. We need to gain total control and silence the common enemy: the Libboos.

Purdah from the Dead

One of my early memories entails an unforgettable trip to Makli. I must have been twelve or thirteen, and a friend from school had just visited Makli, a place with historic significance, and raved about how beautiful the tombs were and how much fun she had had on the trip. Hanging out with my cousins at an uncle's place the following weekend, I had been telling them about it, so we all went over to my uncle - who used to have a big van in those days -  and begged him to take us. We were a bit fearful of reprimand as my uncle was generally quite conservative and also very strict - the whole family feared him - but after some cajoling he agreed to take us.

So we all pile into the van, about five boys and six girls, with my uncle driving. The drive was over an hour long and the eleven of us joked and played during the ride, all in a picnic mood - that is, till we got to Makli.

I can never forget the shock of the moment, when, upon reaching the entry gates, my uncle turned around to face us and said, "Only boys will get out here, girls will sit in the van till we get back." Surprised, I asked why, he glared at me for daring to question him and said stonily, "Don't you know that the dead are able to see the living without clothes on? Girls will stay in the van. No arguments."

I wish I could say here that I rebelled, that I managed to get out and see Makli, that I argued by asking about the dead women who could see all the living men naked, but the truth is that I was too dumbfounded and speechless as I had never ever been before (or after) in my whole life.  I only remember the anger slowly rising up as we waited in the van for the boys to come back, the rage seething in me when they did and talked incessantly about it all the way back to Karachi, and my endless bawling as soon as I entered my own house and saw my parents. No words would console me.

Years down, I have still not had the chance to see Makli.

Bringing Peace to Karachi: Please, Just Shut Up

I swear, my ears will start bleeding if I hear any of this one more time:

No one will be 'allowed' to disrupt peace in Karachi.
'Writ' of government to be enforced.
'Special inquiry team' formed to investigate Karachi violence.
'Special strategy' formulated to deal with Karachi violence.
CM takes notice of Karachi violence.
PM takes notice of Karachi violence.
President takes notice of Karachi violence.
MQM blames ANP for Karachi violence.
ANP blames MQM for Karachi violence.
'Land Mafia' involved in Karachi violence.
'Taliban' involved in Karachi violence.
'Sinister hand' involved in Karachi violence.
'Foreign hand' involved in Karachi violence.

Just google 'Karachi violence' and you will find all of the above in news items spanning over the last 5 years (and more)! And all that our politicians are interested in is giving completely useless statements.
Meanwhile, Karachi continues to bleed.

Here is just one year of statements, Jan 2011 all the way back to Jan 2010.

Jan 17, 2011: PML(N) Chief Nawaz Sharif: "No one will be allowed to disrupt peace in Karachi."

Jan 15, 2011: Interior Minister Rehman Malik: "The government will not allow anyone to destroy the city’s peace and motives behind these killings were being evaluated."

Dec 14, 2010: Sindh Home Minister Dr. Zulfiqar Mirza: "Target killers belong to the biggest party of Karachi."

Oct 22, 2010: Rehman Malik: "The government will recruit 3,000 extra police...action will be taken against anyone who dares challenge the writ of the state."

Sep 28, 2010: The Awami National Party (ANP) and Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) exchanged allegations over unrest in Karachi in the Senate on Friday and held each other responsible for the ongoing target killings.

Aug 10, 2010: PM Gilani: "A "multi-pronged strategy" has been evolved with the help of the three political parties of the coaling ruling Sindh to restore peace and order to Karachi"

June 14, 2010: Rehman Malik: "The government is 'very close' to finding out who is working against the law and order situation in Karachi. Peace will be established in Karachi at all costs and no group or faction will be allowed to create any kind of violence and those who do work against the law will face strict action."

May 20, 2010: Rehman Malik: "No one would be allowed to break the law in Karachi and violators would be dealt with iron hand."

Jan 14, 2010: President Asif Ali Zardari: "Karachi will be turned once again into a land of peace..I urge all political forces to join hands to restore the city’s peace."

Politicians, give us a break. Either you have zero intelligence or zero guts.

Curbing Workplace Harassment: Are We There Yet?

This article is also posted at Express Tribune

Not long ago, at an informal get-together of friends in Karachi our conversation turned to harassment. The Harassment bill had just been passed and so the topic was a hot one. One of my friends mentioned a recurring problem she was having with a male colleague, who seemed to always keep his eyes at a particular location on her body instead of looking her in the eye when talking to her. She could not avoid it as their respective job roles required a lot of communication between the two.

This was particularly uncomfortable yet she was unable to raise this either directly with the person in question or with anyone else at work. She felt this would be laughed at, causing further embarrassment. Her self-esteem was suffering and despite being happy with everything else at her workplace, she was looking out for another job.

In another incident, a new recruit in my company came up to me within a week of being hired to have an informal, confidential discussion about harassment. When asked to elaborate, she said a male colleague had a habit of singing Indian songs, which she felt were targeted towards her. A confidential investigation showed the person in question, a generally well-respected guy, had always hummed songs while being engrossed at work, entirely oblivious to anyone else around. Most co-workers in his team were quite used to this habit without any problems.

So what exactly is harassment? While the term harassment itself is a wide one, sexual harassment in particular, as defined in the Protection Against Harassment of Women at Workplace Bill is "any unwelcome sexual advance, request for sexual favours or other verbal and written communication or physical conduct of a sexual nature or sexually demeaning attitudes, causing interference with the work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment, or the attempt to punish the complainant for refusal to comply to such a request or is made condition for employment.”
(Though the title states Women, the Bill covers sexual harassment for both men and women at the workplace.)

It is important to remember that sexual harassment is not what an alleged harasser considers to be appropriate behaviour but whether the alleged harasser could have reasonably expected his/her behaviour to cause offence, humiliation or intimidation.

In many cases, and especially in Pakistan where there is no formal method of education on such a topic, certain behaviours and attitudes are at times unconscious or considered 'normal'. For instance, leering, or unwelcome touching when passing an glass or other object, or even staring as in the case of my friend, can sometimes be an unconscious behaviour. This is not to excuse it, but knowing that it could be unconscious may allow us to deal with it better. Or when a group of guys at work exchange sexual or suggestive material, snickering over it and when asked what they are laughing at, to shrug it off saying nothing, just "normal guy stuff" is considered acceptable workplace behaviour by some.

In terms of the two specific examples I quoted above, the first one does fall into the harassment category for it was making my friend uncomfortable enough to want to leave the company. Yet the onus is on her (or anyone else facing such an issue), to point it out and address the matter. Depending on the situation it could be taken up directly or through a confidante, either informally in confidence with a superior or as a formal complaint - without fear of a backlash.

In the second case we concluded it was not harassment, and the matter was closed with mutual agreement. Yet it was good that it was pointed out, for without understanding the situation my colleague would have continued to feel uncomfortable.

These are but small examples, there are far bigger and serious sexual harassment incidents that often go unreported, unaddressed properly or unpunished - from 'supposedly harmless' suggestive comments or jokes to repeated SMS friendship messaging to actual physical contact or request for such contact. The Bill may have been passed, but for an effective implementation it is critical that people - employees who work in any kind of organisation in Pakistan - understand harassment and what it encompasses, and are up-to-date on how to go about safeguarding their right to a dignified working environment.

The Bill provides a Code of Conduct to be followed by organisations as well as a guideline for the procedure of lodging and conducting inquiries for complaints. It is mandatory for organisations to implement this Code of Conduct in their HR policies and to adequately educate staff about it.

Has your organisation complied yet?

Here's My Country, Dude

The key pillar of a democracy is the will of the majority. As the meaning of an Urdu couplet goes, the beauty of democracy is we could always be ruled by donkeys as long as the majority is made up of donkeys.

So if the base concept is the assumption that majority should get their way regardless of the quality of their choices, everyone has to follow. By that token I am now quite convinced Pakistan is a donkey state. Forgive me if I sound unpatriotic - I am not, I love my country (or what is left of it). What I have lost, is hope.

Salman Taseer's murder, shocking as it is, was somehow not totally unexpected. The kind of threats he was receiving or the protests against him were no secret. All because his opposition to a controversial law and his support for a Christian blasphemy convict (where an official enquiry points to likely innocence) - was in itself considered equivalent to blasphemy.

Coming back to donkeys. Not one of the political leaders have had the guts to publicly condemn the reasons for his murder while conveying their shock at the incident. Not one has said that the so-called fatwa issued for the governor's head by small-time mullahs could be wrong. The murderer is being hailed as a Ghazi (conqueror) and given a hero's welcome at court premises by educated lawyers who showered him with rose petals! No less than 300 lawyers have offered to defend him free of charge. Text messages are circulating on cell phones praising him for his heroic act and condemning those who oppose the assassination as equal blasphemers! Facebook has pages dedicated in his honour with thousands of fans. The largest Urdu newspaper runs a front-page story declaring, “There should be no funeral for Salman Taseer and no condemnation for his death.”

The voices of sanity are muted. From the public and civil society no one can raise a moderate opinion without being subjected to condemnation and life threats. No debate on the blasphemy law will be tolerated. No discussion on rule of law (on the subject of this assassination) is acceptable. The sentence has been passed, the verdict carried out. The majority has spoken.

Those spending endless hours defending the country to others saying extremists are in a minority and there is hope, those social activists out there who still want to call out to Pakistanis to 'wake up and shake it up': Who are we fooling? I think it's time to wake up ourselves. We may love the country, but make no mistake, this is donkey country.

New Beginnings

Great to start the new year having my blog in my own name finally - arunahussain.com is up and running.

Happy 2011 !